Really? Really? Really Tourists? Really?

So I found a forum post online today that had some people’s comments left for “Thomas Cook Holidays”.

1.  ”I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.”

While I’m sure the local store is a major attraction and probably takes up a good 3 or 4 pages in the brochure I’m sure it was tough for Thomas Cook Holidays to decide what was worthy of being put in and wasn’t. I wish someone would invent a device that allows us to talk to others from a long distance so we can ask what they stock. Sort of like a phone but something people actually use to talk to each other. The alternative being a sort of case where you can put all your clothes but also some biscuits you may want to eat just in case local stores don’t stock them.
2.   “It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons.  I often needed to buy things during ‘siesta’ time – this should be  banned.”

Clearly the stores are at fault here. Didn’t they realise the president of the universe was coming to buy something but couldn’t because of siesta time? I’m also quite sure that siesta time takes up about 23 hours a day so it’s really inconvenient… hang on. Google has just told me 1) siesta time is not  for 23 hours a day and 2) there is no president of the universe. Now I’m confused.
3.  ”On my holiday to Goa in India , I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry.   I don’t like spicy food at all.”

Apparently someone doesn’t know how to google or do any sort of research of where they’re going. I hear she’s going to Antarctica next year for the nice summer temperatures. This person must have booked the wrong holiday. She clearly meant Georgetown Indiana where she can get a nice burger.

4.  ”We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels.”

I know when I go on holidays I don’t take any sort of clothes. If they’re not provided for me then it’s not a place worth staying at or visiting. There’s also nothing quite like sharing skin tight swim suits amongst potentially hundreds of other guys. That’s healthy isn’t it?

Also (and this may just be a cultural thing) but since I don’t call swim suits “swimming costumes” I can’t help but picture people swimming in Halloween costumes. It’s an odd thought seeing Batman swim past while Superman comes down the water slide.
5.  A tourist at a top African Game Lodge over looking a water hole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel “inadequate”.

Understandable. I mean, that’s why guys like fruit flies around. “At least you can see mine”.
6.  A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she’d been locked in by staff.  When in fact, she had mistaken the “do not disturb” sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room.

Someone should have paid the staff to remove the phone from her room. At least then the world doesn’t have to deal with people like her. “Survival of the ones who are able to interpret signs” and all that.
7.  ”The beach was too sandy.”

I’m not sure a beach was what they were looking for. Car-park maybe.
8.  ”We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure.  Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white.”

Yellow Snow = Complaints so why not White Sand?

9.  A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong.  He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.

That’s Australia’s fault because we’re the only place in the world who has gravy. Our bad. *Facepalm*

10.  ”Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned.  The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women.”

I’m guessing her husband picked the destination for this holiday. I love how the holiday was ruined not because they had to leave but because they apparently spent all day there and she didn’t say a word. While the husband was sleeping on the couch that night I bet he was thinking “Worth it”.

11.  ”We bought ‘Ray-Ban’ sunglasses for five Euros from a street trader, only to find out they were fake.”

Everyone knows 5 euros for something that can be hundreds is totally real and just a good deal. I bet they’re the kind people that are always helping those Nigerian princes out all the time. You’d think with all the money they make from those princes they could afford to shop somewhere higher class than a street trader.

12.  ”No-one told us there would be fish in the sea.  The children were startled.”

Wait until they learn that there are trees in a forest. It will blow their minds.

13.  ”There was no egg slicer in the apartment…”

I’m sure the advertisement read “1 apartment with egg slicer”. I hate not getting what’s advertised.

14.  ”We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish.”

Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Spanish people live in Spain?
15.  ”The roads were uneven..”

Apparently England’s roads are all even right down to the atomic level. Guess you learn something new every day.

16.  ”It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England it only took the Americans three hours to get home.”

The really fast planes are reserved for Americans. The planes powered by giant hamster wheels are for the English. Perhaps you should have stuck your arms out the window and flapped. Would have been there in no time I’m sure.

17.  ”I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends’ three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller..”

You mean 3 bedrooms take up more space than 1 bedroom? Were you perhaps confusing ‘three-bedroom apartment’ with a chest of drawers?

18.  ”The brochure stated:  ’No hairdressers at the accommodation’.  We’re trainee hairdressers – will we be OK staying there?”

Trainees are ok, just not fully qualified hairdressers. It’s a nightmare finding a place that says ‘Astrophysicists allowed at the accomodation’.
19.   “There are too many Spanish people.  The receptionist speaks Spanish.  The food is Spanish.  Too many foreigners now  live abroad.”

I went to England and there were too many English people so I totally get where this person is coming from.
20.  ”We had to queue outside with no air conditioning.”

This explains why England’s temperatures are never too high. They leave the outdoor air conditioners on all year round.
21.  ”It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.”

I think you meant to write ‘psychic’ instead of ‘tour operator’. It’s an easy mistake.
22.  ”I was bitten by a mosquito, no-one said they could bite.”

They can also fly. Just FYI.

23.  ”My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room.  We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant.  This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.”

I 100% believe you should get what you’ve booked and I think just about everyone agrees with that. What I don’t recall seeing is the rule that says “If you sleep in the same bed with someone you must sleep with that person”. I must remember to make sure my girlfriend gets the memo.

I sort of want to go searching for more so I can laugh at them but I’m afraid I may just start weeping for humanity instead.